It was a cold, rainy, dark night in December 1993. It was a night that changed my life and my faith journey. I had attended a Christmas Party at the house of some friends where I spent the entire evening pretending. I pretended to be happy, like I was “supposed to be” during the holiday season. But I wasn’t. I got into my car after walking out of my friends’ house, the mask came off and I hit rock bottom. I cried and prayed all the way home. I was depressed and felt so alone. I prayed like I had never prayed before in my life – it was raw and angry and messy, but I prayed.
I prayed that my life would end that night.
My prayer was not answered in the way I wanted that night, but it was answered. I cried out to God and He heard my prayer. Psalm 130 reads,
“Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord.
Lord, hear my voice!
Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications!”
That was the darkest day of my life and God met me in my mess and got me home safely. I did not wake up the next morning full of joy and sunshine, but God has prodded, guided, challenged, sustained, and provided for me throughout the days, months, and years since. Almost 30 years later, I vividly remember that night and what I felt. No one should ever feel that way.
I still cry out to God – He is my lifeline. If you are reading this and you feel lost or at rock bottom, cry out to God and continue to cry out. He hears you and He loves you.
Prayer: Out of the depths we cry out to you, Lord. In sorrow and in joy, we seek You and depend on You to carry us through. Thank you for loving and for providing for us through the joys and pains of life. Show us how to help others find their way home safely. Amen.